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Asking for some advice from my Nakama

Discussion in 'General Lounge' started by Judgement, May 31, 2019.

  1. Judgement

    Onii-chan of OPF
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    Hey guys,

    Sooo... I've been living an extravagant lifestyle the past year, especially when it comes to girls. Might have posted a status update or two about such events. I've been living the single life quite happily and without too much restraint, but now I've met somebody who I like on a bunch of levels. She likes me too, maybe even likes me more than I like her (at the moment).

    Here's the deal though: I'm not sure if I should engage in any kind of relationship at the moment. I really love the freedom that single life offers. On the other hand this girl is really interesting to me (she's musically talented, pretty funny, likes a lot of the same things I like and we connect on more than just a romantic level, iykwim). She is 5 years younger than me though and I have this irrational thought that a stable relationship might bore me eventually. I'm also not sure if I wanna commit myself to anything at the moment, but on the other hand this is somebody who I would commit to if I didn't have all these personal doubts.

    Do you guys have any thoughts/advice/questions on this situation? Would really appreciate some input!!

    (If this is not the right section, feel free to move it; I haven't posted in a while^^)
     
  2. Deathbloke

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    I understand your concerns, you reminded me of myself two years ago lol, but I think life should be lived, not discussed (I hope I made a point with this, improper English). Personally, I'd take the chance to take the next step with that very interesting girl. You might be afraid of committing, but this is how you'll find out what you like best. This doesn't sound like just a fling, you two seem to connect on a high level, so try the relationship for me, and even if it fails, you'll know you tried it and have no regrets.
     
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  3. Kia

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    I say that you should let things flow naturally and not focus on defining things so long as you’re being open and honest with one another about your feelings and situation. Basically focus on living. As an analyzer, I’ve found that it’s really easy to think one’s way out of some great things in life. Enjoy the time that you have together and let things flow. Don’t lead her on but don’t close yourself off from the options. Also, what’s wrong with non-monogamy as an option for right now? Can you not date or do whatever with the option to see other people if that’s something that either of you wants? Or spending time together as friends with the option for more if it develops into that? I’m not sure where you are right now. So I’ll reiterate the communication aspect which is essential to any relationship—friendship or otherwise. Discussing with her how you feel about things will likely prove the best way to go about it. Just being upfront about the interest, attraction and concerns vis-a-vis where you are at this point in terms of ability and availability to commit to something serious will work wonders. It will provide an opportunity for the two of you to grow together in whatever you may be able to have. Or at least that’s how it’s worked out for me. ^_^
     
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  4. dreamlovermimi

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    Judgement. Be like robin and go for it!!!

    I WANT TO LIVE !!!!

    New things are scary of course, but u will never know if u like something unless u tryyyyyy.
     
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  5. Chaudfontaine

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    My advice is to talk about it.
    Relationships can be couch potato boring, limiting and controlling. But relationships are also a safe place, someone to talk to, everywhere, everytime, about everything. Future plans, travels, money problems, kids, the time that you should be home, the past.

    I always hear people tell about their fustrations or worries about a relationship. Relationships are what you make them.
    Do you still want to party? Tell her. Maybe she will come with you.
    Do you still want to play pokemon? Tell her. She might be supportive and become you #2 fan. (#1 being your mom ofcourse :laughing:)
    Do you think you are not ready for a relationship? Tell her. She deserves to know how you are feeling, and can make her decision afterwards.
    My list can continue.

    And my final point, you don't have to be together all the time. You are two seperate human beings that carry their luggage from the past right into the future. Being together all the time makes conversations dull. Personally, chaudgf and me, we do a lot of different stuff apart. But that's what keeps it going, what keeps it not boring.

    A good relation is hard, requires work and patience. But a good relation is 1000% worth all the blood, sweat and tears.

    Edit: As I scroll through the reactions of other, basicly they tell all the same. Talk, yell, cry, talk, have fun, talk, talk, live.
    A relation is a rollercoaster of feelings. Talking makes the ride much more enjoyable.
     
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  6. Grin

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    Well in my experience you should do the things you wish you had done. That is to say, if you think you'll regret not going for it, go for it. (Within reason, of course.)
    Sometimes there's no way to know what choice is the good one, and you'll have to live with the consequences. So pick the consequences you can live with.
     
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  7. Judgement

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    Really, really solid advice, guys. Thank you all so much, I needed you peeps to tell me this. I'm gonna talk with her about this the moment I think I can explain this understandably, which will be soon. I'll keep you updated!!
     
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  8. Chaudfontaine

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    That's the spirit! And if things turn bad, know that you will always have your internet friends here!
     
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  9. Judgement

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    Freakin love you guys
     
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  10. Deathbloke

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    Did something go completely right?
     
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  11. Kia

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    What he said! Totally here for you no matter what. Even if you decide to gush or complain nonstop about your new relationship. ^_^
     
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  12. Judgement

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    Not yet, but I could really use all your views on this, even if it was only to clear some things up in my head. So far that, I'm thankful^^
     
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  13. BooSheyt

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    Just wanted to check if there's an update on this? I'm just curious. :) Though I haven't given any advice. Hope that all is well to you.
     
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  14. Edinbour

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    @Judgement I wanted to post days ago, but honestly I'm not really good with relationship advice but keep us updated! I'm sure you'll figure out what's best as you're a smart fella ;)
     
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  15. Marco Polo

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    I’m late to seeing this, but if I had a hobby (and BOY do I wish I did), it’d be pretending I’m world-wise and intelligent enough to be giving life advice so here goes.

    Here’s a few questions I have for you:

    • What’s the current situation between you two? How long have you been seeing each other? Are you going on dates or is it just an affair of the hips? Does it feel like it’s time for your relationship to move to the next step, whatever that is?
    • Has she dropped any hints that she wants to enter a relationship with you? Has she started leaving clothes at your house after hanky panky? Does she talk about wanting to spend more time with you? How many of your T-shirts has she stolen? Has she pointed at engagement rings in shop windows and said “you should buy me one?” If she has, it might be time to have the talk.
    • Out of everything you’ve seen in this post, the thing that stands out to me the most is when you say “she likes me, probably even more than I like her.” Is it her feelings (or the feelings you think she has) that have made you think about a relationship? Would you just be committing to her because you think it’ll make her happy, or because you genuinely want to? If you’re in a relationship with someone and your feelings are half-hearted, it’d hurt them less to come out now and say “I’m sorry, I’m not ready to be in a relationship”, rather than force yourself to be with them. They’ll notice how you feel pretty quickly.
    • What part of the single life are you reluctant to let go of? Is it the ability to meet whoever you want? Is it being able to focus entirely on yourself without having to worry about another person? Depending on your answer, it might just be that this girl isn’t right for you, no matter how cool she is.
    • Adding to that thought, is your fear of committing to a relationship a result of past relationships going wrong, or is it that you can’t see yourself being with this girl for a long time?
    • How do you feel about the age difference? Even though five years isn’t the biggest difference, life goals at 24 and 19 can and will often be very different. Depending on how intimately you know her (her mind not her body you degenerate), you might already know what she’s looking for right now, and that might help you in planning your next step.

    The only real piece of advice I can give you is this: None of the decisions you make now have to be final. If you decide to take a leap and after a few months it doesn’t work out, that’s okay. If you decide your feelings for her aren’t enough to commit to her, that’s fine. If you suddenly decide you’re madly in love with her and serenade her from her bedroom window, only for her to turn you down in front of the whole neighbourhood, that’s a little embarrassing but it’s still okay. You’ve got nothing to lose, and potentially everything to gain.
     
  16. Judgement

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    Will give you guys an update later today! And also answer @marco Polo’s questions, hahah. I feel like I’m figuring this out bit by bit and things are developing for the better.
     
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  17. Chaudfontaine

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    awww yisss updates!
     
  18. Johannes

    "If I die trying at least I tried."
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    I'm late with this one :smile: Here's my cents of advice (It's better late than never)!

    @Judgement The "Rap God" once said:

    "You better LOSE YOURSELF in the music(emotion), the moment

    You own it, you BETTER NEVER LET IT GO

    You only get ONE SHOT, do not MISS your CHANCE to blow

    This OPPORTUNITY comes ONCE in a LIFETIME" :kissingheart:

     
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  19. BooSheyt

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    I am still waiting for the updates :)
    But let me at least say something but not an advice. - I don't know if both of you have mutual feelings but I do believe by expressing what you really feel towards that person is enough, and can create a new chapter of your life. It's not actually a race but at least let her know about your feeling.
     
  20. Judgement

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    #20 Judgement, Jun 10, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2019
    Alright, here goes:

    There have actually been some pretty real developments lately. I've been on a date with her since this post, we talked, I got to know her a bit better and she got to know how I feel about single life and relationships. The way she responded to me and the struggles I described above was so heart-warming. She told me that I should take some time to figure things out for myself and that she would be fine either way. She did tell me that she really likes me and that she also wanted to be honest with that.

    We've been doing things for little more than a month now, but a lot of stuff happened already and I didn't want things to go too fast. But I've also been in some toxic relationships, so my standard (or at least what I'm used to) feels different from what we have right now. At first I thought that was a bad thing, 'cause I didn't know what to do or how to act, but now I actually think it's a good thing. The fact that we can just make music together, or watch series together or do stuff that isn't wildly exciting but definitely fun and cozy (without having some kind of underlying tension about whatever), is probably what I've always been missing.

    So this weekend was really good as well. She went to Pinkpop (a music festival) for five days with a friend of hers, so I tried to see if I would miss her or accidentally think about her. She sent me some messages and pictures sporadically and I felt happy for her, seeing her have so much fun! And yes, I started missing her - missing her presence. Missing just gaming together or chillin together.

    All in all, I think I should give this a legit shot. It might be just irrational fears holding me back earlier, so I wanna see what can become of this. I really do like her! Not madly in love still, but there's definitely so much more compared to when I wrote this original post. Thanks for all your support, advice and questions, guys, 'cause they certainly helped me review my own thoughts and actions!!

    Hope this counts as an update, will keep it up if there's anything relevant coming up. If all ends up becoming a relationship, I'll definitely provide you guys with some pictures.^^
     

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